A Letter to Nadiv: Judaism is a Vehicle of Love
Rabbi Lauren Grabelle Herrmann, October 12, 2024/Yom Kippur 5785
G’mar Hatima.
Last night, I started my sermon by sharing that a few days after Nadiv’s B*Mitzvah, they received a gift in the mail. Nadiv excitedly opened the box and admired its content — a beautiful Star of David necklace. Nadiv looked at it for a moment and said: “I love it. But I don’t feel comfortable wearing a Jewish star out in public right now. I will put it away for later.” And in that moment, my heart sank.
What I didn’t share last night was that after this exchange, I wrote Nadiv a letter. And as I was planning for the High Holidays, I realized that I wanted to share this letter with all of you today on this day when we seek to fortify ourselves through our Jewish practices and traditions before we re-enter the world. Here goes:
Dear Nadiv,
Your dad and I are so proud of you. You studied, prepared, offered an original and personal interpretation of your Torah portion, and chanted Torah beautifully. We see how proud you are of being Jewish and that means so much to us.
I also want to say I am so sorry that you are growing up at a time when you worry about publicly identifying yourself as a Jew. I am very sorry that you have grown up with the politics of hatred. In your thirteen years, you have seen attacks against the disabled, queer people, women, people of color, Muslims, and immigrants — and now you are experiencing this hatred turn on your own community.
I want you to know something very important: While there is so much hatred in the world, Judaism — your inheritance now — is a vehicle for bringing more love into this world. While not many talk about it this way*, love is the beating heart of Judaism. Instilling in us a love of life, love of the other, and love of self.
You may have studied in Makom that during the Torah’s account of Creation, God pauses to say “ki tov” “it is good.” Looking at the whole of Creation on the 6th day, God says “ki tov meod” “it is very good.” Just like the way every letter and word and phrase in Torah matters, these two/three short words tell us almost everything we need to know. Creation is inherently good, even before the action starts. The world is an AWE-some place and we are meant to recognize it and enjoy what it has to offer.
This is one of the reasons we have so many blessings in Judaism — as I have tried to point out over the years — blessings for rainbows, blessings for different types of food, blessings when you see someone you haven’t seen in a long time, blessings for new experiences or firsts of a year and more. Traditionally, a person is to recite 100 blessings each day! Blessings are an invitation for us to pause and be present in the moment. We practice them even when we might not be feeling gratitude and awe, to remind ourselves that life is good and beautiful and worthwhile.
Nadiv, I want you to remember, especially as you get older and life inevitably gets harder and more complicated, that life is a marvelous playground. Enjoy it. May your love of life be contagious and inspiring to those you come in contact with.
And here’s something else that is so important. Knowing that Creation is “tov meod” “very good” also means that everything a part of it is good too — including you! The Torah tells us, as soon as they are created, that human beings are created in the Image of the Divine which is not to be meant literally (as God has no image!) but spiritually — that every person has inestimable value. In fact, the ancient rabbis teach that because we have been created in God’s image, every person is obligated to say “The world was created for my sake.” Now, don’t get this wrong, this is not a call for self-centeredness — rather it is instruction to value ourselves and the unique gifts we can bring to the world. It is a recipe for loving yourself enough to know that you matter and you can and will make a difference, whether in your relationships with others or in the efforts towards tikkun olam (repair of the world).
Nadiv, at your B*Mitzvah, you beautifully drashed the verse “V’ahavta L’reacha Kamocha” “Love your neighbor as yourself” speaking about love manifested through giving generously of oneself to others. Not only was this a beautiful speech, you got to the heart of Judaism with your interpretation. We strive to love others — whether the neighbor or community member who is closest to us or whether the stranger that we do not know but that we can relate to based on our people’s experiences of being a stranger. On a side note: The Torah says that we should love the stranger 36 times — sometimes the Torah is not subtle!
But cultivating loving feelings is not an end to itself. It is not the goal. Rather, as Jews, we are taught to love through our behaviors and actions. Specifically through Gemilut Chesed. Chesed is a word that can be translated to “kindness” or “love” and thus, as Jews we have it both ways and call these “acts of lovingkindness.” Acts like offering hospitality to guests, visiting or bringing over chicken soup when someone is sick, comforting those whose loved ones have died, and rejoicing at another’s simcha (joyful event).
Even beyond these and other specific things we do for one another in community, the Jewish ethos of chesed teaches that above all, we should be kind and compassionate towards anyone with whom we interact — from homeless people asking for money on the streets to peers to teachers. The ethos of chesed invites us to be inclusive, to bring in who may feel apart or on the side, to put our phones down (I repeat: put our phones down) and really see people, to offer the benefit of the doubt.
In a world of hate and division, we are called to a wholly different task: to build a world of chesed, a world of love and compassion. It is not easy and there are certainly a lot of forces working against us, but it is our sacred Jewish task.
Nadiv, you are now a responsible Jewish adult. This is not just my tradition, it is not just your father’s — it is yours. I hope and pray that within it you find love in all the places it manifests. That you can shine that light out into the world.
Know that you do not do this alone. You are accompanied by your Jewish community, and by all those who came before and all who will come after in this ongoing project. And remember: it is not up to you to complete the task, even as you are not free to ignore it.
I love you and will continue to pray and work for a world in which you and everyone who is marginalized feels safe and free.
Love,
Mom
*Thanks to Rabbi Shai Held for bringing this framing into Jewish public life and grounding us in love. While I have been formulating my ideas for awhile, I have certainly been influenced by his groundbreaking work over the years.
