Digging for the Sparks, Teshuva as Return
Shana Tova!
I begin tonight with a story told to me by a colleague, but of an unknown source — it is a story I shared a few years ago at a Kol Nidre service and like any great story, bears repeating over and over:
When God was ready to create human beings on the 6th day of Creation, God decided to give the human beings a special gift. God would give each one of them nitzotzot — holy sparks of God’s goodness.
The angels heard about this and they became very jealous and angry. They didn’t want human beings to have a special gift from God that they did not have!
God heard their complaints and unhappiness and thought it over.
Finally, God said to the angels, “I will make a deal with you. I will still give the human being these holy sparks, but…you can pick the place where these sparks will live. Tell me where you want to hide them in the world and that is where I will put them.”
So the angels held a big meeting to decide where to put the sparks. One angel suggested: “Let’s put them at the top of the highest mountain, Mount Everest!” It is very steep to climb and very far up in the sky.”
But then another angel replied, “No. These humans that God is going to make are going to have both strength and perseverance. They will work out a way to get to the top of the mountain eventually.”
Another angel spoke up: “How about if we drop the Divine sparks at the bottom of the ocean. The human beings aren’t fish, they won’t be able to hold their breath long enough to get down there.”
Another angel raised a counterpoint: “Human beings are going to have intelligence. Surely, at some point, they will figure out how to build a machine that will enable them to travel underwater. The bottom of the ocean is not far enough away to hide those sparks.”
Now, the angels were getting frustrated. They rejected putting the sparks deep in the forest or buried in the desert sand. They just didn’t know what to do.
Finally, one angel spoke in a quiet voice. She said: “I have a better idea. Let’s ask God to hide the Divine sparks of God’s goodness INSIDE each human being. They will NEVER EVER think to look there!”
Finally, a proposal all the angels could agree with.
*********
Now: what if I were to tell you that your work, in large part, over these next ten sacred days was to go digging for the Divine sparks that lie hidden inside of you?
Some of you may be scratching your heads about now and wondering, “Rabbi, Rabbi! Isn’t the High Holidays about changing ourselves and our behaviors?
Isn’t the essence of these holidays self-judgment — holding ourselves accountable for our wrongdoings, confessing ‘Al Cheyt Shehatanu L’fanecha’: ‘the sins that we have committed before you?” Isn’t the holiday season about being better, doing better?
And I would answer: Yes. Those are dimensions of the High Holidays. And, they are not the only visions for this sacred time.
Teshuvah, the key concept and “takeaway message” of the High Holidays, comes from the Hebrew root “shuv” — shin-vav-bet.
One translation of Teshuvah is “turn” as in the saying from Psalms “Turn from evil and do good.”
Another translation of Teshuvah is repentance, as in a detailed and multi-step process of reflection, declaration of remittance from sin, apology and commitment to do better.
Yet another understanding of Teshuvah comes from the Bible, where the root “shuv” is used to “return.” Later Jewish mystical commentaries build on this idea of teshuvah not only as a return to God’s covenant but as a return to self.
Rav Kook, mystic and Chief Rabbi of Palestine in the early 20th century called returning to oneself, to the root of one’s soul “the primary teshuvah.”
While for some of us, this interpretation of Teshuvah as “return” is not new, it bears repeating and reminding because it has the power to change how we approach the Days of Awe.
First, “teshuvah as return” helps us recover a sense of our innate goodness. As in the words of the daily prayer: Elohai Neshama Shenata Bi: The soul that has been placed in me is pure.
When I dig deep, I see that my essence is pure and good. Instead of beating ourselves up for our imperfections, we are to remember that at the root, we are who we are meant to be. We just have to do a little digging and dust off the “shmutz” that has accumulated with the wear and tear of life’s disappointments, anxieties and losses.
Second, “teshuvah as return” helps us distinguish ourselves and our self worth from the behaviors that we engage in but which do not serve us or help us connect with our loved ones.
“Teshuvah as return” is the radical understanding that YOU are not the protective armor you wear to ward off hurts you have experienced.
You are not the negative self-image that you might conjure in your mind in response to not feeling like you are meeting some external (and impossible) standards.
This lesson is invaluable as we approach the awe and fear of these days, when we start beating our chests on Yom Kippur.
While it is important to hold ourselves accountable, it is also important that we do so with a loving and compassionate spirit that (instead of making us cower in shame) invites us to open our hearts and find new paths forward.
Now that we see the power of “teshuvah as return,” I want to offer some ways to put it into practice over these Holy Days.
- Pause, be quiet and tune in.
The High Holiday services — and Jewish liturgy in general — is designed as an intense, immersive experience, packed with words, songs, prayers, torah readings and more. While this structure can be meaningful, our services do not always afford opportunities for quiet and an inward gaze. Yet, each of us has the opportunity at any moment to pause, be quiet and tune in to that core essence in our kishkes.
After all, services are not about a race to the finish line- but about doing the work of teshuvah, turning and returning to who you are when you peel off the layers of protection. You don’t need my permission but I am giving it to you just in case — you can always take a detour for a breath, a meditation, an affirmation of “Elohai Neshama…Tehora Hi.”
- Seek out your good qualities.
Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, a Hasidic rebbe, taught his followers a practice of actively looking for good qualities in others and in oneself. He instructed: seek out some bit of goodness and judge on those merits. Rebbe Nachman taught: watch out for those forces inside of us that trick us into thinking we do not possess any goodness. Keep searching! And when you find that bit of good, Rebbe Nachman says, search for “od” — more.
Over these holidays — and especially over the intense 25 hour period of Yom Kippur that can often bring up our worst self-effacing tendencies — consider the practice of seeking out and naming your good qualities and keep searching, do not give up!
3. Consider the parts of yourself that you want to cultivate in the coming year
Rabbi Kalonymous Kalman Shapira, the inspiring Rebbe of the Warsaw Ghetto wrote on Rosh HaShanah 1941:
“The Hebrew word teshuvah means repentance and return. [But it is not] a simple return. We return to who we are meant to be, but have not yet become. We return to growth and possibility that has lain dormant within us and not yet flourished, much as a sculpture lies hidden within a brute block of stone.”
During the High Holiday season, I invite us to take Reb Shapira’s Torah to heart. Ask yourself: “What are parts of myself that I have yet to cultivate? That I have let go of in the process of maturing or aging? What is inside that is yearning to come out?
If you feel comfortable, write down some notes so you don’t forget. Challenge yourself to bring forward a part of yourself you thought you had once said goodbye to — or even one you might not know is there.
Tonight we enter into Rosh HaShanah and initiate the Ten days of Teshuvah.
Do not forget: the Divine sparks are not buried on top of a high mountain or hidden away deep in the depths of the sea.
They are very close to us, and if we are willing to look inward to find them, to return to our essence and who we are meant to be, we will, I pray, find ourselves strengthened, renewed, and ready to embrace a New Year with a full, open heart.
Shana Tova!
